1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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