Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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