look no pants
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
