i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
