Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize