Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize