Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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