I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize