Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She bit a glass in half.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
