She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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