I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
