whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
