When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
