You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize