So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
