There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
