fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
