I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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