He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
His nipple licking is glorious
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