my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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