A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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