your room smells of hookers.
And success
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Randomize
