you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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