I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
