I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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