I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
