Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
