yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
