just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think my vagina is haunted
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
