if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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