I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize