Just fell off a train. Bad.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
