I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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