Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The adults are the big ones right?
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