i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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