No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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