Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
