I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
