Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
