Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
