Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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