Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
