I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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