Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
