Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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