In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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