Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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