I heard we made out
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
