i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
