i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
