i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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