That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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