i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
where does the pee come out of this thing
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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