oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
