A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
