I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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