sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
