I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
