Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
