Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
