I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
