For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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