brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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