hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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