try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
