im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If that was your dad, he is hot
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
